I was talking with one of my friends recently, about lack of communication. About how a lot of times it feels as if people’s words and actions don’t make sense. While we were talking she mentioned how the guy she had been seeing-not seeing-isn’t-ready-to-be-emotionally-available-but-wants-to-see-where-things-go guy kept sending mixed messages. She mentioned how he’d been so keen on watching movies cuddled up in bed together, how he’d called her love and my lover, how he’d even called her by his last name. I couldn’t keep my reaction to myself on this one.
He’s relationship baiting!! I exclaimed.
What’s that? She asked.
And in that moment I realized that’s exactly what so many people are doing.
People are out here saying they’re emotionally unavailable, that they’re not really looking for something serious but that they don’t necessarily want a FWB. So they live this life, for the 2 hours you’re together its boyfriend/girlfriend time. It’s magical. It’s amazing. You feel so good and it feels as if the two of you are moving closer, maybe this is moving to something more serious you think? You leave with that warm afterglow and text the next day. Nothing. You keep checking your phone all day and still nothing. So you text again. And maybe again.
Now you finally hear from them. They tell you you’re acting out of pocket. To remember they set the boundary of this not being anything serious so why are you acting like this?
They turn cold and you blame yourself.
Of course they’re right. Of course you need to chill out. YOU ruined this. YOU asked for too much, right? YOU’RE the UNHEALTHY one.
Wrong.
Let’s look at this objectively.
Yes there were boundaries set. This is casual. Nothing serious, I’m not ready to be emotionally involved with anyone. No, I don’t want just casual sex either tho. Let’s just let it flow and see where it goes k?
See how these don’t necessarily make much sense when you actually put it down on paper?
Their actions aren’t matching their words.
What they really want is a girlfriend on demand.
They need someone to snuggle up with? They call you. They feel like going out and drinking and talking to that hot girl at the bar? They’re single right? So why not? They’re lonely and need someone to talk to after a hard day at work? They call you.
You’re their emotional support ATM. All they do is take take take take and take. Scratch that. They do give one thing. The promise of a relationship that will never ever happen. At least, not with you.