If you could forget the reason for your trauma, all the bad things that have forever changed you, would you?
If you could have a chance to live a completely different life would you?
That’s the premise of this book.
The world the protagonist inhabits has this procedure kind of similar to Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, it’s still in its infancy, but one that’s gaining traction. From the beginning we see how others have used the procedure to try to heal themselves and also the things that have gone wrong.
Our protagonist lives his life and eventually realizes that he’s been subject to this procedure, that because he happens to be gay, he decided at some point that he wanted a second chance at living.
What I really want to talk about when it comes to this book, is the pain you can’t help but feel as you read it. As you sit in the emotions of and let them steal your breath away.
Being gay is incredibly hard. I guess it doesn’t always look like it, there are parades, fabulous representation on tv at times, books we can read, shows we can watch, people we can look up to. But I think we forget about what happens when the cameras are off, the show has finished, the book is done. When we’re alone with people who don’t necessarily support us or look at us with understanding.
It can be a lonely existence and one that can push people into extremes.
I’m gay, I don’t know if I’ve openly stated that here, but I am. I’ve been ope for most of my life and can tell you that thought I struggled with parts of my identity, I never really wished I was different. The caveat in that is that I came of age in San Francisco, which in and of itself means I had access to every day people that already looked and acted like me. People I could look up to or honestly, just people I could be exposed to.
I have spent the majority of my adult life working in entertainment and non profit, both industries that happen to have large contingencies of gay individuals and that are also very open minded. But reading these books, they still strike a chord in me…they remind of the times I didn’t feel safe, the days I had to keep a stiff upper life if you will, about the things I couldn’t change, including random acts of violence, both verbally and physically.
Seeing these books, watching these movies, they both break my heart and give me hope. So much has changed, but with SCOTUS looking at Roe v Wade I can’t help but wonder how long before they look at gay marriage. Will we end up back where these conservatives think we belong?
No matter what we have to fight. We have to accept ourselves for who we are and navigate these tumultuous waters as best we can. At least I know there are authors giving voice to us, to our experiences, even if they try to deny our basic human right, they will never silence us.