I love Rom-coms. I love the way they make me feel. I love the way the two protagonists meet, don’t really like each other, start to fall but not fall, have a misunderstanding of some sort, separate, eventually fix it, and BOOM! Happily ever after. I love the way these pieces all fit together in these perfect little boxes. Then I turn off the movie, feel all fuzzy and warm, and then…and then.
That’s just it right? And then…what? We go off into this imperfect world expecting to find our One and have these same moments. But that isn’t necessarily true, right? We’re modern, we know those things are just made up right? Right? I believe that yes, we do know that these moments are a fantasy but I also feel like a part of us longs for these whirlwind romances. We glorify these tumultuous love affairs, these passionate, world-encompassing, earth-shattering examples of love. We idealize these Romeo and Juliet types of love even when we say we don’t.
So what ends up happening is that every time we meet someone new and we don’t get that sparkly, butterfly in my stomach feeling, we feel…disappointed? Kind of meh? They text us back, they text us first (!), they respect our boundaries. They’re great, really, but somehow not what we want just right now. And then when we meet someone, someone that makes all those pretty lights in our head go off, that gets our blood pumping, that maybe doesn't text as much as we’d like, someone that we wish would prioritize us more, someone who we can’t help but talk to our friends about, analyzing and over-analyzing every interaction with, we think ah! This is love! This exciting roller coaster of emotions. We’re overcome with this angst, do they love us? Do they want to be with us???? It’s always about questions and questions that oftentimes leave us feeling a little less than good about ourselves. Inevitably, we break up, they ghost us, they say we’re too intense, or something or another. We think, yes, this feeling is right! And of course, they’ll come back. But they don’t. And we start the cycle all over again with someone new.
That’s the Hallmark Movie trap, isn’t it?
Because as we grow, as we seek healthier relationships and interactions we learn or should learn, to be distrustful of whirlwinds. To look towards the stable places. That in the end love takes time, work, and lots and lots of communication.
So look back at your relationships, all of them. Your friendships, your family, your partners, and see what those relationships say about you. Are these relationships built on trust? Communication? Mutual respect and boundaries? Do you feel safe? Or do you find yourself constantly losing sleep over the smallest things? Wondering when they’re gonna text back? Analyzing their recent Instagram post with your friends searching for some unknown thing?
Which life would you prefer?
#relationshipblog