Fair warning, I love this book. I’ve literally given out more copies of this book than almost any other, Peacefull Warrior being the other, and I still recommend it. I love this book because of the way it approaches the idea of genius, of empathy, of leadership, of humanity. What it means to be human at it’s most base level.
I saw myself in Ender. The constant battle between the “good” and the “necessary,” how I feel about the needs of the many vs the needs of the one. This thought is one that I still turn over and over in my head. What justifies what? Is there ever a justification that isn’t just an excuse? How do we protect ourselves and those we love, without losing ourselves and becoming the very thing we hate?
The whole idea the abyss right? The idea of “he who fights monsters.” I worry about these things. If the choices I make could lead me down a path to becoming someone I never wanted to be. But then I’m reminded that we choose. We get to choose. I choose who I grow into. No one else. And as long as I stay true to who I know I am, I won’t falter.
What does this have to do with Ender? That he chooses. He chooses to move forward and is constantly checking in with himself. He understands what they want from him and, although he hates it, he also understands what needs to happen, who he needs to be in order to win. His decision weigh heavy on him, he doesn’t delude himself into thinking he’s always right. He sees. And he takes that weight and allows it to make him a better person. He’s not a perfect person, he does things he regrets along the way, but he processes them and tries to do better. Isn’t that the human condition? To know we’ve failed but to try to do better next time?